My Parents Forced Me Out at Nineteen Because I Refused to End My Pregnancy, Ten Years Later I Returned With My Daughter and Told Them Why

  • I sat on those back steps and read it four times.
  • As many Saturdays as it takes.
  • He never got another Saturday.
  • My father sat down beside me on the step. Slowly. His oxygen tank hissed.
  • “He was a good boy,” he said. “Wasn’t he.”
  • “He was the best person I ever knew,” I said.
  • My father nodded. He looked out at the dark backyard.
  • “I spent ten years hating that family,” he said. “For closing the plant. For what it did to me. To your mother. And the whole time, the best thing that ever came out of the Monroe family was sleeping in a room above a laundromat in Indianapolis. Calling another woman Nana.”
  • He reached over and put his hand on top of mine. His fingers were cold and trembling.
  • “I’m going to try to be her grandpa,” he said. “If you’ll let me. I don’t know how much time I’ve got. Doctor says my heart’s not good. But whatever’s left, I want to spend some of it on that swing.”
  • I looked at my father.
  • “Every other Saturday,” I said. “That’s what Margaret did. Every other Saturday, she drove three hours each way to sit on my floor and play with a dollhouse.”
  • He almost smiled. “I can’t drive three hours anymore.”
  • “Then we’ll come to you,” I said.
  • We drove home to Indianapolis on Sunday afternoon. Grace fell asleep in the back seat before we even got to Columbus.
  • Two weeks later, we came back. And two weeks after that.
  • My father met us at the door every time. He started wearing a clean, pressed shirt for our visits. My mother said he started ironing them himself on Friday nights.
  • In December, my father asked if he could come with us to visit Caleb’s grave.
  • We drove out to Forest Rose Cemetery on a cold, gray Saturday morning. Caleb is buried on a little hill next to his father, Thomas, and his grandmother, Margaret. There were fresh flowers on Margaret’s grave. Somebody from the bank leaves them every week.
  • My father stood in front of Caleb’s headstone for a long time, holding his hat in both hands, his oxygen tank beside him on the frozen grass.
  • “Son,” he finally said. “I’m sorry I didn’t open the door.”
  • Grace walked up and slipped her hand into his.

 

  • “He forgives you, Grandpa,” she said.
  • “How do you know, sweetheart?”
  • “Because Mom says he was good,” Grace said simply. “And good people forgive.”
  • It’s been a year since that Saturday on the porch.
  • My father’s heart got worse in the spring. He’s on a waiting list now for a procedure at Ohio State’s Ross Heart Hospital. I’m a cardiac nurse, so I go to every appointment with him. I translate everything the doctors say into plain English, and he says, “Why didn’t they just say that?”
  • He’s never once complained.
  • My parents are current on their loan. They filled out the hardship paperwork like everybody else. Their new payment is $412 a month instead of $680. They’ve never missed one. Every month, my mother writes the check at the kitchen table and holds it up for my father to see before she mails it.
  • “For Grace’s bank,” she says.
  • At the annual shareholders’ meeting of Monroe Savings Bank in April, I sat at the end of a long table in a conference room on Main Street, voting my ten-year-old daughter’s shares. The board approved a new program. Low-interest home repair loans for retirees in Fairfield County. Especially for families who once worked at Monroe Tool and Die.
  • The board voted to name it the Caleb Monroe Home Fund.
  • My father was the first person to apply. He needed a new roof.
  • He sat across from a loan officer named Patty, a woman whose father had worked on the line beside him for fifteen years. He filled out every form in his careful blocky handwriting. When he signed his name at the bottom, his hand didn’t shake once.
  • “Mr. Hart,” Patty said, stamping the paperwork. “Did you know the fund’s named after your granddaughter’s daddy?”
  • My father looked across the room at Grace, who was sitting in a chair by the window reading a book, swinging her legs.
  • “I know,” he said. “I’m the one who slammed the door on him.”
  • Patty didn’t know what to say to that.
  • “It’s okay,” my father said. “He left a note. He said he’d come back as many Saturdays as it takes.”
  • He stood up. He picked up his paperwork. He walked over to Grace and held out his hand.
  • “Come on, sweetheart,” he said. “Let’s go home and swing.”
  • Last Saturday, we sat on the porch together. All four of us. My mother on the steps with a pitcher of lemonade. Me in the old wicker chair. My father and Grace on the swing, squeaking back and forth.
  • Grace was telling him about her science project. My father was nodding and asking questions, the way he never once did with me.
  • I didn’t mind. I watched the two of them and thought about Caleb, standing on this porch ten years ago. Waiting ten minutes outside a slammed door. Writing a note he’d never know anybody read.
  • As many Saturdays as it takes.
  • It took ten years.
  • But somebody finally opened the door.
  • THE END..!

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